He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
