He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i now understand why vodka
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
