what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
