I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I can't trust your balls anymore.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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