So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
