I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
