Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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