i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
