are you still at the devil's house?
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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