I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I wish you could order shots online.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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