U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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