My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
