cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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