Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
is wine microwaveable?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
