I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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