Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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