I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
