??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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