My friends, they love my intelligence
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
