you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
