We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
