were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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