Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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