I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We just shotgunned beers for America
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
