she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
