just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
