why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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