theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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