That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
