i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
