true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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