I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
