Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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