fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
