No I am not eating basil off your cock
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
