Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
