So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
