We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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