The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize
