she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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