i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
