can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
areolas are like halos for boobs.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
