Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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