this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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