i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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