I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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