I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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