YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
