Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
