i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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