I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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