the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
