I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
