If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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